Monday, January 31, 2011

Tomato Leads to Stolen Animal Heads!

Fruit of Justice
As a world renowned and reviled blogger-type guy, I feel obligated from time to time to write something for the good of my readership, something that has intrinsic moral value.  I am not required by law or conscience to do so, but it's a civic duty that I would be remiss in not doing. So, let's sally forth, shall we?

Today's story-with-a-moral takes place in Minnesota, whose State Motto is "Thank, God We're Not North Dakota", where a simple tomato is the vessel of the lesson we'll all learn today. A guy we'll call Tim (because his name is "Tim") steals our vessel of virtue, the humble tomato, from a lunch line somewhere. He was arrested and while in jail placed a phone call to a friend of his. The phone call, which I assume was monitored by the police, led law enforcement to two guys who were moving some stuff that Tim had asked them to move. As it turns out, the two guys were driving a van that had over $15,000 worth of stolen goods. These were no ordinary stolen goods either. They were taken from the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources! The purloined goods included power tools, chain saws and 20 mounted animal heads (taxidermy stuff). Needless to say, the guys at Minnesota DNR were not amused. To think that because a dipshit was caught stealing a tomato, a veritable crime spree was uncovered. Cops caught up with the two dumbfuck guys who were driving a van loaded with the stolen property from the DNR. The two bad guys pleaded ignorance, which given the fact that they were friends with Tim, seems appropriate. Here's something about this case that puzzles me. The two guys in the van with the stolen stuff were not arrested for possessing pilfered property. Police did note however, that charges could be filed at a later date. Ooooooooooooooo  Kkkkkk. I guess that's how they do things in Minny-soda. Upon further review, this is the state that put Al "Why the Hell Am I Famous in the First Place" Franken in the United States Senate. Therefore, nothing surprises me anymore. Et tu, Minnesota? What a damn shame.

Minnesota - Land of 10,000 Dumbfucks.

Because Toby said so.

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