Welcome to Wacky Headlines!

The following is an actual headline from a local TV station's (WGME Ch.13) web site: "Strip Club ordered closed found to have loud music, women and men inside." Well, slap me down and call me Shorty. What the hell do you expect in a strip club? The Salvation Army and Mormon Tabernacle Choir? I understand the intended gist of the headline, but the way it is written is all frakked up. Goofy headlines are some of the funniest things you can come across. In newspapers, headlines and copy are reviewed by layers of editors and other idiots, so when a good headline comes along, you are left wondering what the hell were those guys smokin'? And why won't they share? Assholes. I make a motion that we peruse the internet for more stupid headlines from around the world!! And awaaaayyyyyyyyyy we goooooo........!!!!

The following are actual headlines from newspapers around the world.


Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says - If that's true, then the dude wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars on hookers and lost a family in the process. I am highly suspicious of this headline.

Psychics predict world didn't end yesterday - They say that hindsight is 20/20. I say that these so-called "psychics" are graduates of the Miss Cleo School of Psychic Shit and bar & Grill. I'll know more on that tomorrow.

Sun or rain expected today, dark tonight - Is this the same guy who wrote the forecast for Mexico City? Chili today, hot tamale. No hablo English.

Fisherman arrested for using wife as shark bait - Even though this is a piss poor newspaper headline, it's not a bad idea. just sayin'.

Time to spark up the bowls - See previous comment.

Bonnie blows Clinton - I thought the chick's name was Lewinski.

Plenty do do for local "tourists" - No shit?

Those are just a few of the thousands of dumbass headlines that can be found in a bird cage liner near you. I'm sure we'll do another episode this study in stupid fucks journalism again soon. Until then, as "Jane Fonda says to teens: Use head to avoid pregnancy". Seriously.
Because Toby said so.

(hat tip for the headlines to HeadlineHumor.com)