Cell Phone Dials "B" for Busted on Moron Burglar

Crime Fighter

Cell phones. Is there nothing they can't do? Besides making phone calls out of thin air, they can be used as calculators, texting mechanisms, mini computers, crime fighters....Crime fighters? WTF? Yes, friends, that little gizmo that some moron forgets to put on "vibrate" and plays some nauseating tune about bitches and ho's in the middle of a quiet movie theater during the feature presentation, can go from annoying as hell to crime solver in a matter of nano seconds. Just ask Cody Wilkins of Silver Spring, Maryland. Cody was on his way to a profitable, if not illegal, career as a master thief when The Flying Fickle Finger of Fate pointed straight at him. Let me splain.

Our young friend Cody was on his way to another successful home burglary netting himself tens of dollars when he was surprised by the homeowners son, who entered the house in the middle of Cody's "work". Upon hearing the son's entry into the house, Cody did as any crook would do. He fled the residence like somebody stuck a lit bottle rocket up his ass. It was not, however, a clean getaway as Cody forgot one small item as he made his escape. You got it - his cell phone! He left it charging while he was robbing the place. Now, you may wonder what the hell kind of burglar charges his cell phone during the commission of a crime? The answer is easy. Cody does! The frakkin' dipshit.

That little oversight resulted in Cody's arrest and being charged with ten burglaries and being suspected in forty-two others. Cody is being held in lieu of a one million dollar bail. I certainly hope that Cody has learned his lesson with regard to this little incident. Cody, the next time you pull off a caper, turn on your damn cell phone to ring with one of those disgusting rap songs about bitches and ho's. Frakkin' jack wagon.

Because Toby said so.