White Trash Christmas Shopping

Finding material for this website is like taking candy from a baby. It's too easy. There are dumbasses in every corner of the planet. For instance, take Alliance, Ohio, PLEASE! Hahahaha See? I am a dumbass, too. Now back to Alliance, Ohio. Not again! I am on a roll here. hahahaha I'll be here all week. Anyway...in Alliance, Ohio, a guy decides a nice evening of dumpster diving is in order. Maybe he had some last minute Christmas shopping to do and he was trying to get the perfect gift for his wife the easy way. By stealing. From a dumpster. In the middle of the night. From this information alone, I can deduce that the perpetrator, James Brienzo, is a dumbass. The act of dumpster diving alone is not an indictment of being a dumbass. It's when you are dumpster diving and the sanitation company makes its nightly rounds to empty the dumpster and you are still in the dumpster that qualifies you as a dumbass. That's what happened to our boy James. In the middle of his late night White Trash Christmas Shopping Spree, James was somewhere in the day old donuts section when whirrrrrrr clllaaaannggg brrrrrrrrrruuuuuppp  suddenly he ends up in the business end of the sanitation truck! But James, like a Boy Scout, is prepared. He has a cell phone! James calls a friend who, in turn, calls the heat (police). The heat locate the refuse truck that James is in through a GPS. Technology is the shit! The law gets to the truck and are unable to extricate James so, wait.for.it....they order the truck to the nearest dump, where James, along with the Christmas gift he was looking for, was dumped into the landfill and freed! He's in critical condition at local hospital, but the poor bastard is free. I have a suggestion for James and the rest of you who are considering a White Trash Christmas Shopping Spree in the middle of the night, Wal Mart is open 24 hours a day! Give it a try.

Because Toby said so.

(photo courtesy of whitetrashwarehouse.com)