Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Is "Stupid" Tattooed Across My Forehead?

If the Shoe Fits...
Up front, I gotta tell you that I am not a tattoo kind of guy. Many of you are and that's cool with me. There are some tattoos that are true works of art and I admire that, it's just not for me. It doesn't bother me one bit if you have one tattoo or enough tattoos that make you look like the Sunday Comics. To each, his own.

That disclaimer brings us to our story for today and what do you know, it has to do with tattoos! There are these two guys in Boston who have a mutual interest in "signature" tattoos. From what I can tell, "signature" tattoos involve getting a celebrity autograph somewhere on your body then getting a tattoo tracing over it so the tattoo lasts as long as you do. These two friends, Donnie and David, are evidently fairly well-known in Beantown and points beyond, having once appeared on the Howard Stern Show. Well, ain't that just hunky dory?

Anyway, these two idiots apparently went all over the place getting "signature" tattoos together and having just a grand old time. Until IT happened. They went to an autograph party featuring some actress I've never heard of and Donnie had the audacity to give an interview without mentioning David's name! Such disrespect! David was pissed at such a slight and ended their friendship which entailed dozens of signature tattoos, Howard Stern and David's ego. David and Donnie are not teen agers or even young men in their 20's. Donnie is 39 and David is 41! Both these guys are dumbasses for getting those stoopid "signature" tattoos to begin with and David is an asshole for dumping his friend over such a trivial matter. But such is life in Boston for the Signature Brothers, as they were called. Here's what David the egotistical asshole had to say about the situation, "I love the kid like a brother, but he's getting out of hand with this signature thing," David said. "I'm very choosy and Donnie isn't. I like to go with people who are more known. "David said he would like to reunite with Donnie, but his former friend said their partnership is done for good. Ain't he a real prince of a guy? The asshole.

"He's been a copycat of mine for years," he said. "He started seeing the notoriety I was getting and he got a little jealous. If it wasn't for me, he would never be who he is. He ripped me off." Let me get this straight. Donnie "got a little jealous" and David is the prick ending their friendship because HIS name wasn't mentioned in an interview that Donnie gave? That's as clear as mud.

David, go back to your mother's basement, have another bag of Cheetos and watch some gorilla porn while doing the Tarzan yell. You are a butt hurt sissy boy who is going through his second childhood for the third time. If you ever make it to Maine, look me up. I have a "signature" tattoo for you. It's an "Albert Pujols" on the end of a Louisville Slugger that will look swell right across your forehead. Tattoo that, asswipe.

Because Toby said so.

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