Bimbo Sues the Arches

During this Christmas season, the forces of all that is evil are out to take the attention off of Christmas and the religious message that Christmas represents. The gates of Hell have opened and Satan has sent his unholy minions out in full force in order to destroy all that is Christmas. I am not talking about spiritual entities, I am speaking of creatures more evil and despicable than the darkest of dark angels. Yes, friends, I am talking about Liberals. These bloodsucking bastards are not only out to undo all that is Holy about the celebration of our Lord's birth, they have taken their dastardly ways one step further! They are out to obliterate McDonalds by forcing the Golden Arches to, be seated when you read this part, take the toys out of Happy Meals! It's one thing to take on the Son of the Creator, but it's a whole other thing to take on McDonalds. Let me put it this way - God can defeat Satan just fine without my help. McDonalds, on the other hand, is only an international business powerhouse with untold billions of dollars, teams of expert lawyers and some of the best people in the business world at the helm of the company. You can see why they need my help. I offer my services to McDonalds gratis, well, except for the occasional Double Quarter Pounder with cheese. If I were out for money from McDonalds, I'd be no better than the dumb fucks at the Center for Science in the Public Interest.

The Godless commies at the CSPI are representing a stupid broad from Sacramento in a lawsuit which seeks to ban the toys found in Happy Meals. This woman is a danger to the security of this country and must be stopped! No toys in Happy Meals is akin to no peanut butter in a Reese's candy. This woman must be stopped! Following, you will see some excerpts from the article posted at WalletPop.

Some dipshit lawyer has this to say about the reasons for the lawsuit, "Dangling a toy in front of a child is like putting a scantily clad woman in front of men," he said, adding that children don't have the cognitive ability to realize the marketing ploy. Well, hell, I never thought of it like that. having been around children all my life, I have seen more than a few toys from Happy Meals and I have seen more than my fair share of scantily clad women. I can honestly say without equivocation, that I have NEVER seen a Happy Meal toy and thought of near nekkid women, and vice versa. But, wait! There's more!

The Mom from Sacramento, who is at the center of this lawsuit, adds this gem, ""My children really want the toys that are in those meals," she said, adding the meals often get cold while her kids -- ages 6 and 2 -- play with the toys instead of eating. "I'm concerned about the health of my children frankly ... I don't think it's OK to entice children." First off, I'd like to remind this dumbass bimbo that she is breathing my air. Second off - Lady have you ever thought about not letting your children play with Happy Meal toys until after they eat? Third off - The way to never worry about your kids' health and their desire to play with Happy Meal toys, is to don't go to McDonalds! How damn stupid can this idiot be?

The rest of the article is about the same old, tired Liberal whining points how McDonalds is evil and they corrupt children by advertising cool toys with their Happy Meals, then make the kids fat. You've heard it a hundred times, I'm sure. I just call what McD's is doing good business. But I am an evil, Middle Aged, white guy from Texas, so my opinion doesn't count. 

Liberals, in their infinite wisdom, are better equipped to know what is best for you and your kids. Fucking elitist bastards. I hope McDonalds squishes (metaphorically) this dumbass woman and her asshole nanny state-loving dickhead lawyers, too. But this is California we're talking about here, so who the hell knows what's gonna happen. Assholes.

To show opposition to this insane piece of shit lawsuit, I say we all eat at McDonalds as much as possible AND eat nothing but Happy Meals regardless of your age! If you don't want the toys, that's fine. Maybe there will be a scantily clad woman in the bag instead. 

Because Toby said so.