Monday, November 22, 2010
A Stinky Story Ends Up Smelling Like a Rose (Or Mountain Freshness or Something)
This sissy of a criminal tried to break into this old guy's and was about to commit who knows what. The stupid SOB (the crook) was armed with a knife! He's armed with a knife because England has some very stringent gun control laws. See? Any American criminal worth his weight in gunpowder would be packin' a rod - a Glock, Ruger, S&W, not a fucking Ginsu. It says a lot about a country when even the criminals can't get a decent handgun to pull off a home invasion. Now that this particular asswipe has blown his chance at infamy, the British Parliament will get to work ASAP to invoke some sort of Ginsu Control Measures. Before long English crooks will be holding up banks and shit with tweezers! The only people who will have access to guns and stuff will be "immigrants", if you know what I mean and I think you do, Ahmed.
Back to our story...the dumbass with the knife tries to break into an old dude's house. When I say "tries" to break in, I mean he knocked on the door, the old guy answers it but leaves the little chain thingy on the door for some security. The crook then tells the old man, that if he (the old man) would remove the chain thingy from the door, he (the crook) wouldn't hurt the old dude. The old guy then reaches behind the door on a shelf and grabs the most effective house protection system in England today. A spray can of air freshener! Old guy blasts criminal guy in the eyes with the air freshener and criminal guy runs away like a male dog with vice grips latched to his balls. Despite the fact that the bad guy was wearing a mask, the funky old dude recognized him and called the local police who (unless things have changed) don't carry guns either! Maybe they could take a tip from the funky old dude and arm themselves with Glade! But, I digress. The old guy ID's the bad guy and the cops bust him. They just followed the "passion fruit" smell to the crook's hideout. <rimshot> I told you, England has gone off the deep end.
This just in...British Parliament to enact Fabreze Aerosol and Glade Spray (FAGS) ban! I never thought I'd see the days that FAGS would be banned in England. That stinks to High Heaven.