Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Things I Do to Have a Lunch With My Family

The Place For Lunch
Earlier today, I had a bad ass breakfast thanks to my bride, Heather. I also put together a couple of posts for two of my other blogs, Three States Plus One and Dumbass News. After that, I rounded up the whole crew and we took off for Sam's Club for a little grocery shopping. They had all kinds of kiosks set up at Sam's with various snack samples ranging from healthy energy bars to not so healthy waffles. I figured that I would treat the girls to lunch, so we hit up all the kiosks. All in all, it was a healthy, balanced meal. That's just the kind of family man I am, putting the interests of my wife and little girls above mine. But, my kindness does know its limits.

After such a sumptuous lunch, can you believe that Heather wanted to shop some more? I couldn't believe it either, but being a dutiful husband and father, I again put my wants and needs on hold in favor of my wife and kids. We hit up the kiosks for seconds, this time sending my oldest daughter, Isabella, to get the free samples for the family. I had done it the first time around and I didn't want to appear to be greedy or unthankful by making a second trip to all the samples kiosks. Almost all the samples kiosks were manned by little old ladies who appeared to be way past retirement age. I give Sam's credit for hiring old people who don't just want to sit at home and waste away. Instead, these silver haired ladies make some extra cash by prepping and passing out food samples on the weekends. They are brave women.

Getting a sample from the food kiosks is almost as dangerous as being at war. I shit you not. The rest of the little old ladies in Augusta who are not employed by Sam's, are rushing to the free food samples like Michael Moore hits up the buffet at Pizza Hut. It's vicious. Little old ladies were pushing and shoving each other like it was a hockey game in there. I was pissed off because these old broads were disrupting my family lunch with my wife and kids. I was very patient with them, as I always defer to the ladies when in line for anything. That's how I roll. Then I got to thinking. I am 54 years old and six months I will be a Senior Citizen too! So screw all these old battle axes. The next time I take Heather and the girls out for lunch at Sam's, I will show no mercy when it comes to free pizza samples. I am gonna kick ass and take names, little old ladies be damned! They will never interfere with a family lunch date at Sam's again!

Because Toby said so.   :)


  1. Oh dare they............:-)

  2. I know. I told them not to get too used to eatin' so high off the hawg. :)