Friday, February 18, 2011

GEDs Will Save Us From Gangs!

Today we will take a look at the American system of jurisprudence. Our justice system, while occasionally flawed, is the best system in the history of mankind. In our justice system a man is innocent until proven guilty by a jury of his peers. If he is found not guilty, he's a free man facing no further prosecution from the government.

GED Proud
In Cleveland, Ohio they do things a little differently when a man is found not guilty. They give the defendant  their jury duty pay! Is this a great country or what? But there is a catch to this "gift" to the not guilty guy, because he seems like a nice young man, despite being charged for participating in gang-related activities. The catch? Our juvenile delinquent has to get a GED ASAP. This is a fine idea. Except it is fucking stoopid. Why is it stoopid? What makes these dumbass jurors think that if this kid, who's 19 by the way, gets a GED that he'll have an epiphany and leave the gang life behind? With a GED this young hoodlum can go around Cleveland and shout to all whom will listen, "I got a GED! Now I can be a high school drop out with a GED and still do gang stuff to the citizens of Cleveland!" He may even start a trend amongst gangstahs all over the country. The gangs will replace those stoopid looking red and blue bandanas hanging out the back pocket of their jeans with GED Certificates! And they'll owe all this pride in their new found GED to the jurors who were too damned stoopid to see guilt when it was staring right them in the eyes. Fucking asswipes. The new motto for the Bloods or the Crips can be: "We may be drug dealing, prostitute makin', extortionists and cold blooded killers, but we all have GEDs!!!" Now these scum suckers can make change for a hundred on their next crack cocaine deal.

I say we should lock the bastards up and give them a sentence in line with their crime, put then on a chain gang and work the vermin til they fucking drop every day from exhaustion for the duration of their sentences. Oh, yeah, and tell them to shove that GED up their asses. How's that GED shit workin' for you now, dickweeds? These plagues of society are breathin' my air. Fuck 'em.

Because Toby said so.

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