Aguilera Blows the National Anthem at The Super Bowl - And I Mean Blows

Like tens of millions of other knuckleheads, I watched the Super Bowl last night. How 'bout them Packers???!!!
It was a good game and it seemed like every time the Steelers were threatening to tie or go ahead in the game., the Green Bay defense rose up to the occasion. That's why the Packer are now four time Super Bowls Champs and overall have won an amazing 13 World Championships and/or Super Bowls. I am very happy at the outcome of the game as I have been a Green Bay fan since I was about 5 years old. That's almost 50 years now. The 2011 NFL Season will be my Golden Anniversary of being a Green Bay Packer fan.

A Real Blow Job

All was not well with the Super Bowl telecast, however. Christina Aguilera took our National Anthem and turned it into a spaghetti bowl filled with horse shit. Her rendition of the Star Spangled Banner was a garbled travesty of th wrong lyrics couple with the sound of a coyote gnawing on his leg while trying to escape the trap that is crushing his paw into a mangled mess of blood and flesh. Oh, wait! That's insult to coyotes everywhere who end up snagged in a metal trap. You think I'm kidding? Watch for yourself. WARNING: I am not responsible for any bleeding from the ears or the need to clean your brain with bleach after watching this trash. END OF WARNING

My question is this: Who the fuck got this bottle blonde bimbo to sing the National Anthem on the biggest sports stage in the United States? Jerry Jones? I doubt it. Jerry's a bit eccentric, but he ain't stupid. Even if he is from Arkansas. The NFL? I'm sure the Commissioner of the league, Roger Goodell, had the final say on the matter. I'll give Rog a break on this one. When the dumbass that said Christina Aguilera would sing the Anthem at the Super Bowl, the Commish probably said, "Christina Aguilera? Isn't she the hottie slut from Married With Children?" No, Rog, that's Christina Applegate. She can't sing, but who cares? She's a babe. My point is that the Commissioner is likely not too hip with the Pop Music Scene today, so he gets a partial pass on this deal. I am not the only blogger who is pissed off that this stupid bimbo botched the National Anthem, much less given the chance to sing it. The Gateway Pundit calls Aguilera's performance "shamefull". He's close. One of the most respected bloggers in the USA, Ed Morrisey of Hot Air.com has these thoughts. Ed is too nice a guy to say that Aguilera sucked swamp donkey gonads last night, so I'll say it.

Aguilera sucked swamp donkey gonads last night. The halftime show sucked too, but that's another story for another time. I'm sure Christina Aguilera is a nice young lady, but she blew it last night and she blew it big time. I'm anxious to see what her P.R. people will have to say about it. That could be some funny shit. Douchebags.

Because Toby said so. Dammit.

Lifetime Movies Ruin the Super Bowl - A Husband's Story

Emasculator

The Super Bowl is a only a couple of days away and I thought it would be a good idea to write something for the ladies who don't really care for football. Personally, I can't imagine why in the world that anyone wouldn't watch football, especially the Super Bowl. Then I married a woman who ranks football right up there with strep throat. I don't understand why she feels this way, but she couldn't care less about football. When I first moved to Maine, I thought maybe I could convert her into being at least a fan of my favorite teams, the Texas Longhorns and Green Bay Packers. I was sadly mistaken. So I did what any red-blooded American husband would do. I bought two new TVs! One for downstairs and one for our bedroom upstairs. It was money wasted. Now instead of her watching Lifetime movies downstairs while I watch football upstairs, she watches Lifetime movies downstairs and records Lifetime Movie Network movies upstairs! A quick note for all men here; Lifetime and Lifetime Movie Network are two separate entities. While one plays movies that suck, the other plays movies that really suck. I guess now would be a good time to reveal that I hate Time-Warner Cable! Thank goodness I have strong Internet Fu so I can find the game I wanted to watch on TV, and watch it on my laptop. Better yet, I recently hooked up my old desktop computer to the HDTV in our room upstairs. I drink lots of ginger ale so I can make frequent "nature calls" and catch at least a glimpse of the game I want to watch. It's a diabolically clever plan. Or so I thought. Heather's a smart woman and as soon as she heard me yell "C'mon Longhorns, kick their ass!" the first time, the jig was up. I guess I'll have to get a subscription to the NCAA and NFL online services so I can watch football while I am "working" on my Blogging Empire.

As you have surmised by now, I haven't mentioned one thing about the stated premise of this post of what women could do if they didn't want to watch the Super Bowl. I am too depressed. Maybe I can watch football during the commercial breaks of Lifetime movies. I am a beaten man and my Man Card is in danger of being revoked. Sad. Very sad.

Because Toby  Heather said so.

Super Duper Super Bowl Snacks!

I am going to do something today that I don't do on a regular basis, but since the Super Bowl is just a few days away, I thought today would be a good time to do it. "It" is a food review of the things my wife, Heather, is making for me to enjoy during the game. I know that you may have your Super Bowl menu planned already, but it's not too late for some revisions to it. And once you see what I'm having, a revising you will go! You won't have to delete an item from your Super Bowl menu, but you can add an item or two to it. Let me splain.

Toby's Super Bowl Menu by Heather:

• Sweet and Spicy Cashews - Every Super Bowl game should have some kind of nut as an appetizer or as a companion to a good, cold beer.
• Buffalo Chicken Tenders - I have some Buffalo Wing sauce from Texas Pete that I am anxious to try and this looks like a great snack to start using it on.
• Crock Pot Swedish Meatballs - Heather has made these several times for me, but I always end up having to hog tie the kids to keep 'em out of MY meatballs. just kiddin' about the hog tie thing. The kids and I love these things and I can assure you that there won't be any leftover Crock Pot Swedish Meatballs this Sunday.
• Half Time Frito Pie Casserole - This is a variation of the greatest comfort food ever in the history of comfort foods. My friends in Texas will definitely want to give this a go.

That's what's cookin' for me this Sunday. I want to thank Heather in advance for all the hard work she is gonna put in so I can have a Feast for the Super Bowl. If you have a Super Bowl dish or recipe you'd like to share with us, feel free to do so in the comments! It may be something that Heather would like to feature on her blog! let us hear from you today!

Because Toby said so.

Random Super Bowl Facts

The Prize

Super Bowl XLV will be played in Arlington, Texas at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas next Sunday, February 6, 2011. The Green Bay Packers will face the Pittsburgh Steelers for most coveted prize in professional sports - the Vince Lombardi Trophy, coincidentally named for the former Packers coach. This battle between two of the NFL's most-storied franchises will see the Pack aiming to win their fourth Super Bowl (to go along with nine NFL Championships) while the Steelers will be looking for their sixth Super Bowl title.

The game, which airs at 6:30pm next Sunday on FOX, is about much more than the clash on the field, which of course is the reason for the game. Over one billion people around the world will see the Super Bowl. They will also see some of the best commercials in the history of broadcasting (hopefully) before, during and after the game. A 30 second spot during the game will cost the advertiser between $2.5 and $2.8 million dollars. And thos eprices are a bit lower than the spots for last year's Super Bowl. I will try to do a post specifically concerning Super Bowl commercials sometime in the next few days.

Here's a list of some random Super Bowl facts I dug up for this post. Thanks to yumsugar.com.

• 8 million pounds of guacamole is consumed on Super Bowl Sunday.
• 14,500 tons of chips are eaten along with that guacamole.
• The average number of people at a Super Bowl party is 17.
• 5% of Americans will watch the game alone.
• Of the top 10 most watched television programs of all time, 9 of them are Super Bowls.
• The Super Bowl is measured in Roman numerals because a football season runs the span over two calendar years. The year the season began in 2010 and ends in 2011.
• Since the 1980s the Super Bowls have always started around 6pm Eastern Standard Time.
• More drivers are involved in alcohol-related accidents on Super Bowl Sunday than any other day of the year (except St. Patrick's Day), according to the Insurance Information Institute.
• 35% of people who attend the game write it off as a corporate expense.
• Over 700,000 footballs are produced annually for official NFL use and 72 of them are used for the Super Bowl.
• The Super Bowl has been played in south Florida 9 times, this year's game will be the third played in Texas.
• Super Bowl fans spend more than $50 million on food during the 4 days prior to the super bowl.
• Super Bowl Sunday is the biggest winter grilling day of the year.

 There you have it. Some useless bullshit, you didn't care to know but I told you anyway. I'm sure you'll hear these nuggets along with another 5000 or so during the coming week. I just wanted to get a head start on the other dumbasses pushing this crap on you. I'll have more Super Bowl info as we approach the Big Game, so this won't be the only puke-inducing article about it. That's just how I roll.

Now get ready to enjoy the game.

Because Toby said so.